Two more interesting points on Marriage

Published April 10, 2007 by axinia

  photo libraryman

One can write books and books on marriage… One can simply live a happy married life and do not write anything…  And one can have both! So I go for both and want to share with you two more interesting points on marriage.

Marriage: preserver AND motor of social evolution

If we analyze the way people used to get married across cultures we can see that in fact women tend to “marry up” and men – to marry equal or down. What does it mean? Looking for more security women of lower classes dreamed of marrying better off men with the better social position. As it has been a collective tendency,  more men tried to reach the higher social position.

Thus marital insittution is not only a preserver of society but also the driving force of social development!

Another important but less optimistic fact about marriage is the divorce rates across cultures.

 Nita has posted some statistics and analysesof this phenomenon. India has the lowest divorce rate with 1,1 %, USA – the highest with 54,9%. I am not even sure about the correctness of this statistics, as I was informed about higher percentage for most of the countries. The divorce line increases to the West – nothing specifically new, we all know that the situation is upsetting around here.

In her post Nita gives a wise and reasonable explanation on the weak marital institution in the West compared to India.

And I am curious about YOUR explanation. Any ideas?

LOVE, axinia


3 comments on “Two more interesting points on Marriage

  • If women “marry up”, do men marry DOWN ???

    You shall find something very interesting and upsetting as well at

    I have been thinking about this “Marrying Up” and “Marrying the Fairest of THEM all!!!”

    Being fair is just an accident as I found out here.

    Being UP, however deserves an indie post at mine.

    Shall post something relevant there soon.


  • I once worked in book publishing in the UK and one of the authors whose books I worked on was a wit, humorist
    and raconteur called Frank Muir. His trademark apparel was a bow tie, and he told us that he only wore pink bow ties because pink matched the color of every suit he owned.

    It was much later that I connected pink to the Sahasrara chakra, which is, of course, the integration of all the others.

    My granddaughter is intrigued.

    I notice that you have written on happy marriages, and will read what you have to say with great interest. As a book publisher, it has always entranced me that it is much easier to write about misery, and bad behavior in a relationship, and indeed, I have heard it said that no one would want to read about a happy marriage, for it would be boring to read. But although I am not a writer, I instinctively disagree, for if it isn’t boring to be in a happy marriage, then if one were able to describe it, it wouldn’t be boring to read about it. Subtle, perhaps, but not boring.

    I remember being taken to the movies by my parents in the late 1940s and one of the films that stuck in my mind was about a couple who were, by the standards of the movies, not very good looking – but they fell in love and were happy. But, the movie director shot the part of the movie when they first met and afterwards, by using soft focus, probably by using a light layer of petroleum jelly over the camera lens, to show how they saw each other.

    I can relate to this myself, for when I see my darling wife, say, in the supermarket, I see her as she is, a woman in middle age. But when I see her on the pillow, I see her as a beautiful young woman, to me it is as though I am seeing her spirit. I am constantly intrigued by her, by her sense of humor, her ‘take’ on things, which is always unique and fresh, and by the way she tilts her head, the subtleties and nuances of her smiles. Which ever way I see her, she remains the most beautiful woman I have ever met and for me, she will never age.

    I used to work with people in New York book publishing, who, whilst very nice people, considered themselves somewhat chic and ‘cutting-edge’. One woman insisted that any married man, in certain circumstances, would be unfaithful to his wife – she could not be persuaded otherwise.

    I am as intrigued and fascinated now by my wife as I was when I first married her. In fact, whereas with most marriage, the romance ends on the wedding day, in my case, that was the day the real romance began.

    In relation to the comment of my editor friend, my reasons for remaining faithful have nothing to do with morality (where commonly offered thinking would say something along the lines of ‘well, I would like to do XXXX but I won’t because I know it to be morally wrong’ – it seems to me that the ‘sin’, if you like, is in wanting to do it in the first place. My reason for being faithful to my wife is more to do with plain pure love and complete satisfaction.

    I friend of mine, Professor John Gottman, of Seattle, one of the first psychologists to study the behavior of longterm happy couples, noticed that the men in such relationships, are thinking of their wives throughout the day. That makes sense, for if one’s attention is there, there is no room for it to be anywhere else.

    One time I stayed with John in his home, a lawn sprinkler system was being installed in his front garden and as we walked up the path, the foreman of the men working there, came up to him and said that he was getting married soon, and he asked John if he had any advice for him. John, a modest, lovely man, scratched his head and thought for a minute. “Advice?” he mused…….”OK, honor your wife’s dreams.”

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