How to control your husband

Published May 13, 2008 by axinia

First of all, the best way to control anyone is to please. Surprised?  Really, it is the easiest and the most joyful way to control.

Secondly, men like to be controlled – that is why they marry.They want someone to control them sweetly and gently, someone to keep an eye on their lives and mood, someone to support them affectionately…

A wise woman can easily control her dear husband by following simple methods:

1. Cook good food – and NEVER talk to your man before he has eaten! I mean at least do not try to discuss something important.

2. Take care of his looks – mostly men have a poor taste and are very happy if someone takes care of their wardrobe.

3. And… my favourite one is  – give your husband a good head massage (daily if possible) in Indian style, with coconut oil. Why? Today we are all very busy with mental over- activity, men probably still more intensely than women. A good head massage removes the tension in head which every man person has after work. Normally one can massage 5-10 min, however my husband says “it can go like this forever” :) You might enjoy the looks of your husband reminding this cat: 

 image by  CeciliaC

A good head massage both relaxes and stimulates, one feels fresh and light  – and becomes very comfortable for a loving communication.

Ah, yes – dont forget to make it look like HE is the boss :)

There are surely 1000 and one other great tricks, like the ones my dear friend Radha described here - whatever you choose it is only your LOVE that controls. For one can not resist the true love.

LOVE; axinia

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59 comments on “How to control your husband

  • Hello Axinia,

    I thought the part about taking care of his looks was really very funny because I’ve always hated shoping for my self at “anytime” except with a woman and then suddenly I love shopping. Even my own sister filled this void when I was younger and now while I’m single I can’t wait for her to come home from Ontario Canada so we can do it again sometime. I think I have good tast but I’d rather a womans any day. She tells you what you like and what you don’t and in the end you think it was your opinion to start with. I can’t think of a single thing that I disagree with in this post. We love the attention and seriosly it does’nt feel like your being controled if you want to be.

    Newfoundlander

  • Newfoundlander, I enjoyed your comment a lot!
    I understand the felling of shopping with a woman – I love to help with shopping my male friends as well. This can be a lot fun and also very useful :)
    and you are right, it is all basically about attention – who does not like it?
    And if you know how to appreciate it, you will definely get a woman who will be able to give that…

  • Absolutely loved your post :), i’ll let any woman steer if treated like that. And you know what, how can you say no to anything that woman might come up with if she treats you like that? heheeh. Amazing. Now, I have a question, Is it a big percentage of russian women who behave like that? Or are we dreaming and hoping to find a woman amongst 100 who are not that way?
    Enjoyed the post.

    T.

  • @T.:
    to your question on a percentage of Russian women who behave like that…
    I guess most of them – at least as far as cooking or dressing is concerned :) About the head massage I am not sure – it is an Indian thing, unfortunately not much known in Russia. But there are plenty of other thing Russian women do to please the men – because the general attitude is like that, good man are not many so since centuries women learned /develops the tricks who to keep the men close :)
    Wish you good luck with your search for the Ms. Right!

  • Thank you. At least now I know where to look!!! So its a matter of getting there to start with :). So thats the next step. Ideas comments and suggestions are always welcomed.

    T.

  • Всем ПРИВЕТ! =)

    На этой страничке http://dizzi.ru/qip мы собираем разные смешные статусы в аське.
    Статус – это такая иконка рядом с вашим ником в контакт-листе, если кто не знает.
    Вы можете кликнуть на иконку статуса и почитать присланные к ней подписи, можете проголосовать или просто прислать нам свой вариант =)
    Народ, будем рады, если опубликуете интересную ссылку на нас в своих дневниках, блогах.. Спс!

    Всем хорошего настроения! =) Пишите нам…

  • really? I must have missed that post of Suresh, will have a look.
    Both givers? sounds great, and actually works great. However the modern psycology cliam in a realtionship there is alway one giver, and one “comsumer” …what say?

  • I agree that in most there is one giver and one consumer. What is interesting is that if both focus on making the other happy and derive their own happiness from seeing the other one happy it is a never ending cycle of positive reinforcement. The only problem that exists is that selfishness has no room in such a relationship and that makes it a difficult one to find.
    If found it can be so rewarding that its worth looking for it.

    T.

  • it is worth :)
    What I can say from my marriage, it works exactly the was you say it: f both focus on making the other happy and derive their own happiness from seeing the other one happy it is a never ending cycle of positive reinforcement. BUT ON ITS OWN.

    The trick is really to get the right person! :) And then the magic word is the MUTUAL NOURISHMENT. You nourish each other with the differnces in your temperament, in your energies (if you like this term). Mostly the best matching partener is not the one you feel immediately attracted to -but this is the point which has been misunderstood in the west.

  • Any relationship requires work. And in my opinion in the west many are expecting something miraculous to happen which will take the work away and make things easy. It is not easy, but it is rewarding.
    We all have mood swings, so our partner will get them too. When they do, it is just a matter of remembering that this person loves us and we may not understand everything that he or she is going thru. That is why communication is paramount in a relationship as well as respect. In my case, that person has proven quite elusive, but still looking!!!!

    T.

  • Respected T.,
    Let me disagree here. I do not believe on working on the relationships, I believe on working on the self – if every partner does so, there is no need to do any other work :) Trust my good experiences with that!

    As you mature and grow (spiritually or personaly) you will get the partnener who in a way reflects your own level. The higher the level is, the lesser the possible probles are :))

  • Hi, jmjorat, I never thought of posting abouit it! :)
    In fact, this blog is basically FOR WOMEN:))
    But i will think of your suggestion, may be something will come up.

    However…I guss a woman is impossible to control, because she “works” differently.

  • You are a genius….Any true gentleman, powerful and successful need and want this. He will cherish to have someone else in the driver’s seat for a change when he has always been in charge elsewhere. He will know what you are doing and will not mind a bit. He would love to have you use him. While you let him think he is still the boss…: ) he will also let you think that you are the eventual boss : ) bringing a successful and wonderful relationship which he wants. Who is the boss? will remain a mystery.

    Lesser men… will never understand this and they will be the ones who will always fret about women taking charge and about letting women taking charge.

  • I came thru Vishesh blog. I think both men and women like to pamper themselves rather being say control. Control comes in between only in attitude, anger, abuse so on. All other things are shared and people who expect a lot well they are mama’s boy pampered even after their marriage.

  • some people say to control your husband is through his stomach ,
    cooking food that your husband likes , some also say to control your husband’s money & his freedom , when your husband does not have money in hand he can’t go outside fool around , some also said the wife should dressed up as beautifully as possible to subdue your husband……

    • “some also say to control your husband’s money & his freedom , when your husband does not have money in hand he can’t go outside fool around”

      –if you try to control him this way he will resent you. I dont think this will work.

      “some also said the wife should dressed up as beautifully as possible to subdue your husband”

      –obviously you are already beautiful to him. otherwise he wouldnt have gotten with you in the first place. this wouldnt hurt, though. In fact, beauty always influences a man. but it, alone, does not get you what you want.

      “to control your husband is through his stomach ,
      cooking food that your husband likes”

      –you are giving him something, considering him first. When I got married my dad said to me “remember this: a hungry man is an angry man.” My dad and I do not get along, so this advice must really be worth something. And I have found that my husband, when he is not fed, he cannot think, he will not cooperate, he does not care, and he will not become intimate either. Seems like all of his wires are connected to his stomach. Also, in giving him something before asking him to consider you/your problems, this behavior is very feminine and submissive. This opens his heart towards you. It especially helps if the food tastes delicious and that everything is homemade and filling!

  • sounds like too much trouble. I have no idea how to be submissive nor do I want to. I’d rather stay a single independent successful woman who answers to no one.

  • hi axinia,

    Like all women i am going through the same crises n problems, for my husband i am not important at all he likes to be with his mother and sister all the time and i use to get jeolous why he is not giving me and my kid time and when he comes to room he usually comes in room after 12 at night and i start fighting with him and then what happens is he start hitting me very very very hard and throw things on wall like perfumes, tv remote, cell phone etc almost everything is my room is destroyed even our hearts and next day to make me more jeolous he totally ignores me and comes in room more late and whenever i call him in room he denies to come and ask me to talk to him in loungh where his mother n sister are sitting. i am totally fed up from him his family he even dont alllow me to go out of home meet my family, friends according to him he dont like them and this is my home and he is my owner if he says dont meet ur parents i have to obey him as he is my hubby else he will divorce me. This feeling of insecurity is killing me and i use to think what will happen if our relationship will break and he now takes benefit of this thing whenever i argue or ask him for time forcefully or with love he use to say i will give u divorce if u will do this n that. please help me how i can control his anger and how i can stop myself from expecting from him and how i can make him loving and caring for his family

  • Dear Isal,

    thanks for your comment and asking for an advice. You depicted your situation very detailed, thanks for your trust. However it is only YOUR vision of the situation and in every conflict we need to know the opinion of the both sides…you know what i mean.

    Whatever is the reason for your husband bad behaviour, may be frist of all it would be useful for you to understand why he is so attached to his mother and sister – what are they doing differently from you? May be you could try to make friends with them and learn from them…

    Then the best thing to change something si just NOT TO REACT – at least try for some days or weeks…see what happens…just do not say any thing when he comes, like really nothing happend. that will surely make a difference.

    Normally the way people treat us is the reaction to our own inner state and self-respect. In your really sad situtation you anyways has to start with yourself, sorry to say so. It is a hard job, but very awarding at the end.

    Even your idea to ask me about the situation here shows that you are willing and able to find the solution, and that you have powers to do so. ‘I am sure that your life will change and improve if you will really try to start with yourself.

  • What do u do when your husband still dosent listen or give effection back, works long hours day to weekend 11 hours shift six days and sundays to rest on his own and has a child who doesnt even know the father.

  • i agree tat cook good food is a gd way to control your husband as the traditional saying goes “way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” so that we could hold a man tightly prevent him from going a stray.

    how about controlling the household purse strings.

    by dressing up beautifully to attract his attention on us

  • “I do not believe on working on the relationships, I believe on working on the self – if every partner does so, there is no need to do any other work Trust my good experiences with that!”

    Axinia, as a WASP American who has been battered by feminism for decades I was scratching my head and asking “Is she for real?” But your staremnt quoted above wins me over–now I’m off to read more of your posts!

  • hi i have a problem im a married woman .i lived with my husband about 15 months and then he tarvel in other country after 1 year when he came back he was totally changed ,he drinks and have alot of girlfriends .when we live 2gether he loves me so much but now he is not interested with me any more when he was here i wait 4 him 2 eat dinnar 2gather but eat outside.now he is totally changed .now im go 2lived with him plz tell me that how can i control him ,i should be very thnakful 2 u
    and 1 more thing whenhe was here weno relationship.after when he came back 2 home.

  • hi
    i have read all your suggetions. i have try those but still its hard to control my hubby. he is having great ego what ever happens we never comes to solve and he never speak 1stly wheater he is angry or i. now a days it so hard for mr to go or think abt him.
    can you suggest me any good thing please help me!

    • Shree, your husband sounds like a classic passive aggressive personality (please Google passive aggressive personality to see how to deal with these people_. The more you do for him, the worse he will get. Its a control game for passive aggressives. YOu are better off saving your energy for yourself.

      Here’s how I control my husband: I dont get emotional with him unless he has been very very nice to me. If he demands something, I dont give it to him; if he wants me to do something, it has to be a request. I dont do anything for him sexually that I find inappropriate. I dont praise him unless he has done something unusually good.

      The problem is : women give men credit simply for doing their half of the relationship and often for far far less than that. It is a husband’s JOB to love you, sexually satisfy you and listen to your emotional needs. They are NOT doing you a favor.

      And for the love of God, stop being so emotional with men (I save my emotions for my woman friends who are much better at giving emotional support than most men are)! When women get too emotional with men, it is used by men to control you and manipulate you.

      WHEN YOU RESPECT YOURSELF AND DONT GIVE TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF TO SOMEBODY UNLESS THEY HAVE EARNED IT, YOU TOO WILL BE RESPECTED AND LOVED. Women need to stop giving so much and learn to be takers for a change. When you show your man you value yourself, he will value you too.

  • hi axinia,iam 50yr old married woman,wit marital life of 27yrs.frm d vry 1st day of our marriage my husband used b vry harsh he used to smoke drink n had many extra marital relations,he used to beat me up n scold me n blame me for evrything.but aftr few yrs he changed alot he stoped smokin n drinkin n thr aftr he was fine v had a child n she is a doctor now.but frm past few months i have been observing a drastic change in my husbands behaviour,he is getting close to another woman who works wit him.he staying only for a short time at home,hiding his ph,talking secretly at midnt 2 in ph,n the worst thing is he is neglecting me n my daughter.v saw the dailed cals when he is away n found out that woman’s numbr but still couldnt take any action as that may make our relation still worse.plz tell me a solution so that v can get ridof hern i get my husband back.

  • you have got to be the wisest woman in the world. you know that part about not talking to him until I feed him. I just figured that out a week ago–it took me a few years, but I got it. Now, to follow through. Men are so simple, yet so different from women that everything they say and do seems complicated. But you seem to understand them. Put up more tips. Please!!! I would be eternally grateful to you!

  • As a man whenever i saw my girlfriend dressed up in tight back slit skirt , stockings , high heels & strapless tops , i get a very funny feeling , i can’t get my eyes off her & i felt so under her control , on top of that she cooks food for me too.

  • I do everything which is said above…!!! and he loves me a lot..!!! but he always stops me meeting my parents..!!! what shall i do..?? he just dislikes my dad..!!

  • I fought with my dear hubby for something silly, and my mind did not work for the next 3 days. My mom called me and we chatted for jut 5 minutes.. Not a word about our fight, but Then I felt relaxed and without any ego I said sorry to my hubby and he also was waiting to say the same.. and we both are again happy

  • My husband has been lately very nice. he took me on trips outside to other countries. though he is infertile but i am enjoying my life with him lately. he cheated me in the beginning as he didn’t mention about his condition but i feel thats ok coz i had couple of extramarital affairs. but we love to stay together and will till the end of this world which is 2012 then we will see…

    best way to keep husband in control is never allow him to meet your kins so that he never gets to know your past affairs and love life. life is like this njoy it till you get tired………..

  • Are you fucking crazy? Men in general do NOT like to be controlled. The second my girlfriend casually bragged about how she gets me to do stuff i promtly the relationship that next morning. I’ve been weary of it ever since.

  • Hii great suggestions here
    i know its a pretty long one but plz help
    i got married 1 n half yrs back, he is loving , basically he know how to treat a gal, infact he is like a descent fun loving n good boy type in front of the world,
    v know each other’s past but v r fine. I know guys n gals even after marriage look at other good looking people. But my husband would look at that person untill they r not out of his sight even wn m wid him.
    He even tries to make eye contact with them n dat too in front of me but he denies.
    he kept on checking his past hookup’s profiles on facebook though it was a deal between us that we wont. I ignored it for a yr then i confronted him n he said somebody commented n dat gal liked it so jst to confirm who she is i hovered over it n it accidently got clicked n opened profile,,,but then he also used to search their profile,,,but he didnt knew that know how to check that,,,we have each other password,,,i told him 2 times that y do u do it ( i knw its not like he went on a secret date with him or so ) ,,, he dn said he wont do it again. Well after he didnt do or it might be that he now knw how to delete them. In front of me he shows that he is too loyal bt wn i confront him of any of such things he tries to make things up so that i dont c his mistake.
    he is into a resturant business so he gets to c good chics too…also he is good looking .wneva some girl looks at him for more than a couple of time he would come n tell me,,,”today one girl came to have food n was staring at me,,,i didnt knew abt it untill one of our staff told me,,,bt i didnt look at her dn ” this is his common line. He is too self obsessed n self centered about his own looks.
    Whenva push him to do something good for the family he gets irritated n shouts like anything,,,i dnt undrstnd,,,what is my role in here,,,m here only to satisfy his food + maid + sex cravings ,,, he is a very lazy person ,,,
    I do everything for him,,,as he want…He is happy with me as what i c,,,,but i dnt knw how to handle all this ,,, there might be few things that i might have to change of myself ,,, everybody even some of them in his family say u should have some control over ur husband cz he never listens to me in making decisions. i dnt understnd how to.
    Plz guide me here…temme what r u my faults n how to handle him.

  • also Whenever he’s wanted to improve himself, I tell him to do it. I stand behind him and cheer him on. However, when I mention my dreams there is a distinct lack of support and understanding. He doesn’t understand that I feel empty and unfulfilled, as if my brain is wasting away.

  • my husband is short temper but lovble person some problems i can’t face him ,he thought is our family fest than next wife. i can’t accsept this . last one we are love married.

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