What marriage really does to people

Published January 13, 2008 by axinia

I am a passionate believer in the marriage institution. I posted already several articles on that fascinating topic, but some new ideas keep coming up. So let me continue with praising this truly beautiful and deep form of human relationships.

Despite the growing anti-marriage tendencies in the society and general crisis of this institution, the sacredness of marriage keeps attracting people of all cultures. There are several reasons I can think of in that respect, the reasons I described already in “Marriage: made in heaven”. This time I want to share with you one more reason, which is obviously not that well known, although lays on the surface of the subject.

In a marriage people become (blood)relatives! – not only that they become officially recognised as a couple, but they start being seen as people naturally RELATED to each other. In Russian there is a special word for it, “rodnoy” which means somebody who is of your own blood. This word is often being used also in relevance to husband or wife. I am sure there should be some similar terms also in other languages. In English this phenomenon is reflected though the -in lawtitle of the relatives. Thus, after getting married two families become literary one, become brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers to each other.

It look so simple but it fact, any marriage makes strangers to relatives who feel very connected with each other! This relationship is fixed, and you should live with that and work it out if something is not perfect. That is a very wise way to bring people together, to cement the society.

Today with the rise of individualism on one side and with the crisis of marriage as institution on the other side I feel that these two factors are somehow connected… The security and peace that a happy family gives to its members has an impact on so many other aspects of the human life.

I heard that in India getting married is considered to be the most important of all other steps of life (like studies, job, even getting children)…

There is definitely some great mystery about marriage and I am curious which other aspects will turn up in my following articles on that blog.

LOVE, axinia

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16 comments on “What marriage really does to people

  • This is a great part of marriage and one that my husband and I took very seriously in entering into our marriage. In recent months I lost my mother and the knowledge that my husband is my family and that his mother is mine too has been a great source of comfort. It is the only family we can actually choose! Thank you for another good post :)

  • In India, it is said that it is the mother’s privilege to give birth to the daughter, and the father’s privilege to give his daughter away. In India marriage is very important – but it seems like these things are rushed sometimes, or are not done for the genuine reason of marriage – unifying two loving people.

  • right! but it is not nesessary that two people already love each other before marriage, dont you think? True love takes time, and the best thing is when it unfolds in a marriage, day by day as a gentle and poweful flower…

    I guess the Indian marriage tradition is based on that principle. And from what I see in the WEst and compare it to my experiences and knowledge about Indian culture – such marriages are still much more successful than the western “love” marriages that often lead directly to divorce.

  • Marriage is a mirror and to succeed I think it needs an ability to concede or compromise at times so there has to be a certain amount of give and take on both sides or it will ultimately fail. The Mr. Ego that Axinia talks about in previous posts certainly has to take a back seat sometimes for the greater good of the relationship.

  • My sahaj sister gave me this website and I find it very wonderful. Thank you for all your lovely posts. :) One of my bhaiyas told me that people who have been in boy-girlfriend relationships have a tendency to divorce after marriage because in a courtship, both parties give their best. But when they start living together, they are unable to keep giving their best and they start getting disappointed with one another. On the other hand, in India, they develop their love as you mentioned and as they have no expectations, they have no disappointments. It’s perhaps due to attachments of the person’s character as he/she is during courtship. The solution is to be detached. :) Attachment causes suffering of the mind while detachment grants complete freedom. JSM. :)

  • it has nothing to do with love. It is a reasonable bound to take care because the woman is more vulnerable and dependend because of getting the baby’s. There can very well be love and care without a marriage. It is even better to choose for each other every time you feel like it than with that paper that often makes a master and slave relationship.

  • @ Jay: thanks for your wonderful comment! india has a good long tradition of happy marriages, but I guess this “happiness” is somewhat different from the romantic picture of it in the West.

    @Dyan: marriage can be good or bad, as anything in this life… I have both expereince and still can tell you – go for it! it is beautiful!

    @ Bad Karma: intersting video, though not that easy to percept the orator :)

  • So I too believe in the tradition and meaning of marriage. I believe it to be honourable, but have learned lawyers and politicians have found it another way to break down our traditions for the sake of their money and votes.
    The statistics in America are apalling and no seems to want to see the truth of it. Children need a family. It is not complicated. Family brings peace to children, men and women. To the community they live which leads to the town, city, state and country. As it is torn apart, so goes the society.
    Wake up people. It is NOT rocket science. :(

  • Our modern western culture is such a completely devasting force on the sanctity of marriage.

    There are two forces in most very successful and loving marriages. Similiar to the yin and yang forces, there is a provider/leader position which has been historically been the man. Then there is the supporter/nurturer which is generally the woman. When there is this harmony of forces the marriage is much stronger and is much less likely to fail.

    In our modern western culture both sexes are brought up in the exact same way to behave in the exact same way, so we are basically getting two yin forces or two provider/leader positions which are in constant competition. This devastates the relationship because there is no foundation and neither person involved gets any reward or reinforcement due to the competition between them.

    Axinia, your comment about where we will be 20 years from now reminds of a science fiction book that I read way back in high school. It was about a culture of people that grew all their babies in labs and simply ran around and had frivolous sex with whoever. Our society seems to get closer to this every day.

  • SunnyInSanDiego, exellent comment!

    I love this passage of yours: In our modern western culture both sexes are brought up in the exact same way to behave in the exact same way, so we are basically getting two yin forces or two provider/leader positions which are in constant competition. This devastates the relationship because there is no foundation and neither person involved gets any reward or reinforcement due to the competition between them.

    It is very true, I never saw it that way, thanks!

  • is true. a good article. In Indonesia, marriage is not simply bring together women and men. Marriage is more than that. Bridge love, hearts unite, reconcile feelings, and bring together different ideas. Differences are to be put together. Marriage.

    Marriage not only brings two people, women and men. However, bringing the two families. Marriage is holy, heavenly. because that, there is no word game in the marriage. Marriage forward thinking to our children and grandchildren.

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