However, about male-female friendship in the West you are completely wrong. You write it is “rather a new idea” here by us. Hardly. It goes back at least a thousand years. (First written evidence of it still extant is from the middle of the 12th century.) The culture of chivalry had it as its central idea. A man and a woman vowed each other eternal love, but without sex – exactly to raise their energies of love in a different and higher way. It was called, in French, fin’amor – “refined love”; and in Latin “amor purus”. The woman was thought to have special wisdom in love, and so the knight swore to serve her and asked in return that she might teach him the nature of love.

A medieval German knight-poet tells us of this love potential: “…Man and woman become one as do the light of the sun and the name of day.”

Of course, you have heard of the grail legend: The grail being tended by virgins, and the grail castle guarded by men and women living together in chastity. The grail is one of the central western symbols of love and power of love in human life.

The only difference is that the metaphor of brother and sister is less used, so understandably you didn’t find much by searching for that. That doesn’t mean, however, that we know nothing about non-sexual love between members of the two sexes in the west.

Monks and nuns, incidentally, do use the brother-sister wording; and in medieval times might write quite glowing, but unsexual, love letters to each other.
St. Francis of Assisi, founder of the franciskan order, famously had a soul mate in St. Clare, who left her family to join him, and became the head of the female franciskans, named the Poor Clares after her.

Legend has it that once, when Francis and Clare were together in the forest having lunch, their holy conversation became so elevated that a high flame showed above them, and people came running from the town because they thought the whole forest was on fire! F and C are often depicted as running towards each other with outstretched hands, he holding a white dove out to her, she a bunch of roses to him.

So, in short, what you have written about Western culture is prejudiced and less knowledgeable than what you write about Indian tradition.

I know you didn’t mean any harm, but it seems to me a case of seeing what you want to see: “The spiritually backward West.”

Yes, some of us have bad relationships, but so do Easterners. I think everywhere you go in the world you will find both: a well of wisdom – and some people who live unwisely and make themselves unhappy. They just do it in different ways – opposite ways, actually: Unbalanced Westeners tend to isolate too much and not dare to commit totally – unbalanced Easterners tend to merge too much and swallow up each other emotionally.

Also, the shape and names of the wisdom is different in each place. In the East, a central symbol is the lotus; in the West, a rose. But the rose has as deep a scent of truth, and joy, as the lotus.

Each of us just picks the way that appeals most to him. That’s fine – but that doesn’t mean that those who follow other paths are unenlightened savages.

So please, speak with a little more love and understanding of us Westerners, that would be nice. But then, if you get your ideas of us from gossip magazines and TV (which are the sources you cite about our view on male-female friendship), no wonder you get a warped idea. Suggestion: Read some books. And talk to some real life Westerners. Look better around you instead of just seeking persons who will confirm your prejudices – and you will see the blooming f/m-friendships you claim we don’t have.

I myself owe some of the deepest love experiences of my life to such relations. I call them brothers, too.

And well, you and I completely agree that this is a wonderful thing. So congratulations for having discovered it too. And I’m glad to hear that it exists in India as a tradition. As a matter of fact, know what? I used to worry that we in the West might be the only ones who had discovered this joy!

Live and learn, as they say…

I live in America where I am surrounded by “western thought” or lack of it. Not to say that we have it all wrong here, but, we need to merge with the east to arrive at the complete “Truth of Being” together.

I have seen your posts on eternal values and often wondered if you had blog. I am happy to have found you and I look forward to reading and sharing on your blog in the future.

I will be attending my first SY gathering in Berkeley CA on Tuesday. I hope to find the same energy and awareness that I have found here and on Anastasia’s blog. Should I be so fortunate to find brothers and sisters, I will be eternally grateful.

Please feel free to comment or email me if you would like.

David

There is a book – “On Monogamy” by Adam Philips. I had forgotten it. Thankx Axinia, this post reminds me to read it.

There are some exceptions to the rules such as people you’ve grown up with. If you have developed a real brother sister bond than you know that there are just some lines that you don’t cross.

Apart from marrige, these types of relationships in which there are no expectations are simply the purest and best in the world.

Newfoundlander

I am not sure, but I believe it does exists in nature…BUt even if not – why should we call it unnatural, if the aminals do not have it?!? We are not animals, airn`t we? There shoudl be some important diffrences, the things that actually make us to human beings and let us construct a civilisation.

You say it is a sinsitive topic – I would say it is better speak from experience. In my blogs I always speak from my experiences… I do feel men are my brothers (exept for my husband) and that is indeed a great feeling!

I enjoy reading.

there is nothing I hate in this life, I guess I don’t know this feeling

I just love the beauty of human relationships and I fell I am able to appreciate the best part of it.

Regarding living in the West, I can only say: exactly because it is so “horrible” I live here. Because I can change something. I really can.

….thanks!

Just kidding Axinia. It was great. Your great. Your posts are great and inspiring.

From my earliest moments I yearned for a sister, and when a biological sister failed to appear I sought the same in my friendship relationships, overstepping boundaries in many cases to the detriment of that particular relationship.

I can now face the future with a little more hope, a little more understanding, and will do my best to honour the Rakhi-sisters I am fortunate enough to share currently!

While reading current papers, it looks as if the human being is just an animal, but the article
“Does male-female friendship exist?” cleans up that mess.
Yes, male-female friendship exists!
Plus it exists without any obligations or the restrictions.
Let’s remind the meanings of a word love.
1) We know the Love as the sexual relationships.
That’s true and that’s beautiful, but that’s just one face of the love.
2) We know the love as the brotherhood too.
However, these both loves reveal just a little about the love. There is the divine love – the crown of the love.
3) Agape

Our attitude towards the love reveals the level of our spirituality.

It was great pleasure to read your article. It was so fine to sense you as my dearest sister and so to step into the heavenly realm…
It was beneficial in earthly sense too. I knew zero about Indian culture prior reading your post. You have helped to visualize it in much more detail.
Thank you

unfortunately I do not have much time now to write such articles But i will do my best and I have at least two interesting topis to write: “the secret of Russian Women” and “Mother as architype”), hope to write them soon.
If you like my work, you can visit http://1000petals.wordpress.com/ it is my other blog which i update alsmost every day! see you!!

When we are falling in love we don’t see the reality, we just see what we want to see – so we cheat ourselves.

My wife is Indian. In India it is the duty of the family members (mostly fathers or brothers) to seek the right partner. For them it is easier to see if the young people are matching.

In the west people (mostly man) see in the other person a maybe-partner so the are always flirting…
the innocent brother-sister relationship, as it was in the childhood, has gone….

but it can be re-discovered…

Since 16 years I am meditating in the way of Sahaja Yoga. At the very beginning I discovered that between Sahaja Yogis there is a real natural pure brother-sister relationship.

When we find our peace and our own inner beauty, we see it also in others.

I want to encourage specially man to try it because it is most beautiful to have a pure relationship to our sisters

Leo/Austria

Mom gave this gift,
Born in the same womb,
brought up by same hands
A friend at home;”

But Girl Guy Friendhip does exist. It can, I would say, othre than any other friendship(guy-guy, girl-girl) a Guy -Girl Friendship is much better, you can find all ingrdients in that. The feel, the tenderness all those you can find with any other.Ofcouse after a Girl’s marriage the sustainity of the friendship depends upon her husband, same case with the Guy… So it depends on the Spoude factor.But leavin all these behing it is there.

“I look at my friends and most, if not all of them have sisters. And almost all of them have very close bonds with them. They fight together, they cry together but more often than none, they care for each other. I am not saying that that a brother would care less for his sibling. But the love that a sister gives to its older or younger brother is far different from that of a brother…at least from what I noticed from my observations. I truly believe that the love between a brother and sister is something that cannot be compared to anything else in this world. It is an honour and privilege to have a sister.

Sisters tend to bring a family closer together. They are that link that bond a family together. The relationship that a brother and sister bring to a family is unlike any other. The love they have for one another, in my opinion, cannot be compared to that of any other. They are inherently a blessed entity that bring blessings with them where ever they go.
……..
Through my experiences I have noticed that those who have sisters have a greater respect for women. They are less likely to hurt women physically or emotionally. They are less likely to break another girl’s heart. Again, this is all based on my experiences. That is why I tell all my friends that they are so incredibly lucky that they have a sister(s) in their family. Sometimes I feel that they really don’t know how blessed they are.”

thank you, Master Malang!

However I belive there is something behind it, some subtler but yet perceptable criteria – however it will take at least an article to explain
thanks for patience!

one need quite a level of … sensitivety to feel one one really needs

(I’ve left out ’spirituality’ because for me that term is too abstract )

And BD’s said…

Unless you understand your own self…

I too agree this is really key.

From one of my quotes collection, Ayn Rand has said:

To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I’.

About finding the right partner… will check out your future post… but just one point…

I found that generally one may look for a partner based on some criteria… say common interest or way of thinking or so on. Just a random example, say one may like another for his/her in photography, or sense of humor, or so on. And the simple & obvious, yet forgotten thing is that this CRITERIA is not permanent… it is bound to change over time. A person may lose interest in photography. Or may start to lose sense of humor when in more serious circumsances or due to aging. THEN… this is the test of time, can the partner perceive this change, and ADAPT TO IT?

Just a theory, that if one is living in past initial perceptions – if one is recalling past honeymoon days too much, then I feel this is an indication that love may be stagnating.

True love I believe is a dynamic process that cannot be taken for granted, and has to be relearnt, rediscovered FRESHLY every single day.

If the criteria is based on the changeless – if the person is able to see the Divine in the partner, or atleast sees the potential of discovering it, then the love is more likely to stand the test of time

[Hmm ok wrote quite a lot... pls free to edit/delete if I've written too much!]

Coming to the question of finding the right partner, I always believed in the line “find your soul before your soulmate”. Unless you understand your own self, you are bound to make mistakes in choosing your partner.

It’s like trying to fit a pen to a cap. Unless you know the size of pen, you’d end up trying the fit a wrong-sized cap.

Lame example[:P] but given the time cruch it’s the best I could come up with [:D]

Out of my – and many my friends – experience one need quite a level of spirituality and sensitivety to feel one one really needs(what kind of energy of eht opposite sex) and who posesses it.

The huge number of divorces worldwide(exept Asia, but for the other reasons) shows us that the choice of a partner is mostly wrong (based on the wrong values, indications, instincts, whatever…)

It must be one of the great mysteries of humanity – how to find the right partner!

A man will rather fall in love with a woman instead of seeing her as his potential energy, strength-giving Shakti/sister.

Hmmm… maybe because he gets obsessed with the idea of wanting to posess her and make her “his own”.

As soon as his being recognizes his Shakti (feminine energy in a form of a woman meant for him), he will never want to leave her…

Hmm in my own case, I had a hard time knowing whom to marry. I found something nice in almost every proposal I came across, and found not much reason to reject. It was just a chance incident that made me finally decide I want to really live with her. Ok I think its about time I write about the incident and I finally posted it as a comment now.

I got a more conceptual idea about this feminine energy and that kind of thing only over the past year or so, probably learning from my wife

On the lighter side, its a popular joke that girls also use this when they want to thwart any fellow who is trying to flirt with her

Usually its a girl ties it to her elder brothers, but then after a while it didnt matter. Have celebrated many raksha-bandhans having lived in a joint family, my one elder sister + my cousin sisters tied me raksha bandhans. Your post brings many wonderful nostalgic memories

However: the female freindship is more or less known, but the aspect of male-female friendship is rather new for the western mentality. So it was my special intention and my heart desire to share this topic with my readers.

May be it is the reason why it came up so well

“It is exactly what is meant under male-female friendship. The friendship that is pure, joy-giving, supportive and colorful!” I loved this sentence! Can’t say better than this in words.

Thank you so much for sharing and caring!